With great sadness I have to report that Paul Higson, a keen listener of HPANWO Radio, has passed away. Paul wasn't somebody I knew very well and I never met him, but I did speak to him in the CMR chatbox regularly and enjoyed his conversations. He was very dedicated to the Truth Movement and wrote stories on the subject, like I do; see Ben’s Bookcase in the links column. He loved listening to HPANWO Radio and all the other CMR shows as well. He took his own life on Saturday night after a battle with depression; he was aged thirty-five. Deepest condolences to his lived ones. Lisa Shunkaha-Wanagi, of the Cry Freedom Show, did a very moving tribute programme on Tuesday night, see: http://www.mixcloud.com/cmr/the-cry-freedom-show-with-lisa-phillips-dedicated-to-paul-higson/ . It’s always sad when somebody dies, especially a young man like Paul, but when that death is a suicide it’s doubly tragic. I can’t help wondering if we could have prevented it. Maybe if we’d known how close to the edge he was we could have talked him back. Did anything we say unknowingly make him worse? These thoughts are unavoidable. Rest in peace, Paul. I hope we’ll meet again somewhere else one day.
This is not the first time somebody with an interest in Truth issues has fallen foul in this way, either ending their own life or coming close to the brink of doing so. The best known example of this is the tragedy of Rik Clay, see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-mu-GcCvG8 Depression, drug and alcohol addiction, relationship difficulties, nervous breakdown and similar troubles are also very common among the conspiratorially-aware; and we need to be concerned about this. I myself suffered from problems like this and I make no secret about the fact that I have been a psychiatric patient in the past. The causes of my illness were different and my discoveries about conspiratorial matters actually aided me in my recovery, because the Truth revelations can be as uplifting and fulfilling as they can be depressing and demoralizing. However there is no doubt that, as Andy Thomas says, everything in society is designed to break our spirit. For Truthers this counts exceptionally because we are the biggest threat to the Illuminati-occupied world. When one first becomes conspiratorially-aware the first reaction is often fear. The revelation that, for instance, 9/11 was done by the Government, the moon landings were faked or that the person most likely to kill or main you is your doctor is… scary! Especially if you’ve never considered these possibilities before. Very very scary! It is therefore vital that we in the Truth Movement who have contact with new arrivals maintain an atmosphere of optimism and hope. We should encourage newcomers to study researchers who paint a bright picture of the future and give practical advice on what action people can take to progress positively. The spiritual element to the Truth milieu must be emphasized at all times. Another vitally important aspect to a conspiratorial education is to give yourself time out. Everybody needs opportunities to simply turn away for a while; to watch a football match or go to the pub with your friends, or take a trip to the seaside or cinema and do something that allows your mind to rest, to think about other things, ordinary things. If you don’t do this you might run the risk of burning yourself out; I made this mistake myself once. A burnt out mind becomes vulnerable to miscalculation, delusion and, yes, eventually dejection. I’ve always said that people drawn instinctively to the Truth Movement are natural nonConformists, but nonConformism comes with a price; and that price is difficulties with social interaction. Truthers often find it extremely difficult to relate to non-Truthers, and vice versa. This can lead to isolation, rejection and loneliness; and we must keep in touch with each other and support each other to prevent that. Taking time out can ease that obstacle, as I explain above, but so can developing general social skills, such as knowing when is the right time to say what things to which people. It’s not always appropriate to express your views with certain individuals in certain situations. Let nobody make you feel guilty for “not trying to wake people up!”, see: http://hpanwo-tv.blogspot.co.uk/2010/02/but-you-do-nothing-posers.html Often conspiratorial-awareness means we have to reassess all these factors in our relationships with family and friends.
Something else has recently occurred that has caused me a lot of distress: a close friend of mine in the Truth community has very suddenly turned against me. This is somebody I was very fond of and felt very close to. I’m actually confused as to why she has done this; she has given me no coherent reason. One day everything was normal and the next she was hurling abuse at me on the Internet and telling everybody she knows that I am a “disinformer” and a “Freemason” and that I have been attacking her with “psychic warfare”. This is all utter nonsense of course; and why she has got these ideas into her head, I have no idea. But I think my erstwhile friend may be experiencing some of the problems that I mentioned above, and this has caused her to become delusional. In the past, she has actually made similar accusations against other people in an equally illogical and fanatical way. I can only hope that this is a phase that she will get over eventually. If she does I will advise her to take on board all the points I have raised in this article. This way we can absorb the impact that conspiratorial awakening can sometimes have on our lives. I bear her no ill will, but cannot tolerate her behaviour towards me and will break contact with her completely and permanently if it continues. Only time will tell whether our friendship is ruined beyond repair, but I myself have my own emotional health to consider too. We all do.