Shining a Light

 

A week ago, on Monday the 13th, I had a very distressing experience, but shortly afterwards I was given a wonderful gift. It began when I entered a post office to deposit some cash. This is one of those small post offices embedded in a grocer and attended to by the shop's staff. I approached the counter and went through the usual procedure counting out the money and putting my bank card in the machine. I handed the cash over and said "There should be £120 there." The staff member then counted it out himself and replied: "No, there's only £100." I nodded, not challenging him. Although at the same time another part of my mind was yelling at me that he was plainly holding six £20 notes in his hands. As soon as I got out of the shop it hit me like an earthquake. The cashier had just paid in £100 when I gave him £120. He obviously thought he would try and see if he could fool me into being conned. He no doubt slipped one of the £20 notes into his pocket afterwards before putting the rest in the till. A series of horrible emotions ran through my head. Firstly, anger at him for his theft. Secondly, frustration at knowing that the moment I completed the transaction there is probably no way to correct it (although I have written to the Post Office to try). I also felt rage at myself. Why did I let it happen? Why was I not on my guard? This is not the first time I've been short-changed like this, far from it. In fact the number of times I've been ripped off in various ways are too numerous to list. A client still owes me £50 for a pub clean I did last year. A nightclub doorman once tricked me into paying double the entrance fee by telling me my friend had already gone in and not paid. I could go on for pages and pages. Despite all this, I still generally deal with strangers in good faith. This is the dark side of my genial nature, my "pathological bonhomie", my extraversion, my cooperative instinct. The cashier had exploited these; he had taken advantage of my personality. He is somebody who has served me numerous times and so has probably assessed me as a pushover; and is he wrong? The way I always smile and thank him, wish him a pleasant day... which I obviously will never do again. After a few minutes my anger turned to sadness. I know that I live in a society in which I will be considered the bad guy in this situation, not him. I will be chided for being so vulnerable and naive, for allowing myself to be conned; in fact I know some of you readers are thinking that right now. Those same people would probably not criticise the cashier if they ever met him; they might even congratulate him for a job well done. After all it's a "dog-eat-dog world!" isn't it? "Law of the jungle!" "Survival of the fittest!" See here for details: https://hpanwo-tv.blogspot.com/2025/09/bullies-reply-to-stefan-molyneux.html and: https://hpanwo-tv.blogspot.com/2020/02/humiliation-reply-to-stefan-molyneux.html. My sadness was then topped up with a terrible sense of isolation and loneliness. The violation I had just experienced in the form of barefaced theft reminded me of how different I am to most people. I would never do such a thing to anybody else; but this doesn't make me more valuable a person in my society, it makes me more worthless. I was reminded of other betrayals I had suffered; not financial this time, but personal, for example see: https://hpanwo-voice.blogspot.com/2023/10/am-i-gate-child.html. Alienation swept over me. I was walking down a familiar street, but it suddenly felt totally foreign. I felt like I was lost, like a man in a lifeboat in a rough sea. What followed next was something I very rarely feel and hope I never feel again: despair. Maybe the nihilists are right, I thought. Maybe I've been kidding myself all these years that life has any meaning. I always believed there was some kind of non-physical intelligence around who knew who I was and is concerned for my welfare. I now found myself doubting that. Maybe nobody is out there who is on my side. I am completely alone. I am doomed to be a helpless plaything of indifferent fate and the human malevolence, that only I am so stupidly sentimental enough not to practice myself, for the rest of my pointless existence.
 
I sighed and continued walking, heading for work to do my usual jobs, but at that moment I felt I was really now just a robot, acting out a program. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my mobile phone; and, lo and behold, the torch was on! That was strange; I hardly ever use the torch and when I do, I always make sure I switch it off afterwards. It has never turned on by itself before. I stopped walking and gasped. Was this some kind of answer to my subconscious prayer, my silent cry for help? Was somebody up there shining a light on me? I didn't allow myself to continue that train of thought straight away; I had work to do and so had to remain practical for the day. I switched off the torch, put my phone away and continued my walk to work. When I got home I began researching. I looked up the technical details of my mobile phone, using Google AI to help. Sometimes my phone does things I don't intend. I have occasionally suffered the very embarrassing problem of "pocket dialling". I always keep my phone screen-locked in my pocket, but it once dialled 999 by itself simply from rubbing against my leg. The emergency number can be accessed despite the screen being locked behind a passcode. Luckily the police just called me back to check I was alright and didn't punish me. An app that often goes off accidentally is the camera; this is because I have the shortcut as default on factory settings. I would need to disable it manually and have never bothered. However, there is no shortcut for the torch on my phone. A user can add one, but I never have. In fact the only way to switch on the torch is so complicated I sometimes forget and have to search for it. I have to swipe up from the display then swipe right and then press the correct button. I am careful to keep that page open while I shine it so I can turn it off easily when I'm finished. If I don't, then a temporary shortcut does automatically appear to remind me; but this is only if the torch is already on, not when it is off. I had to check my modes and routines in settings. I only have three active modes, apart from normal function: theatre, aeroplane and sleep. None of those three have the torch listed. This means there is no way in any of the workings of my phone that the torch could possibly have gone on in my pocket. I was stunned. Strangely enough, Google AI took an open mind to the possibility of psychokinesis. Had my mental turmoil somehow caused my mobile phone to trigger the torch? To be honest I had started the dialogue by asking the AI about Dean Radin, so I had prompted it a bit. Dr Dean Radin is a parapsychologist and author who researches "mind over matter" psi phenomena at the famous Institute of Noetic Sciences. He is featured in the film What the Bleep do We Know!? talking about his work, see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfqjyTRDj8A. He has done experiments which indicate that direct mental intent can alter the output of random number generators. Did I do something similar with my mobile phone? Possibly, if so that alone would be amazing. However, unlike Radin's system, a mobile phone is not designed to be altered by any kind of external influence; in fact it is specifically shielded against outside interference. Also, the effect Radin discovered was small compared to actually moving a hardware switch, which is necessary to turn on the torch. I did my due diligence as a researcher and eliminated "rational explanations"; so in the end I have to conclude that this is likely to be a piece of synchronicity. In the links at the bottom I give other examples. If this is synchronicity then it is the most extraordinary example I've ever experienced. It scores high on two factors. Firstly the unlikelihood, even impossibility, of the event occurring by normal means; and secondly, it happened at a moment of extreme personal significance. It was literally just a few minutes after I had left the shop and the first time I had looked at my phone following that incident. As I finished my investigation I leaned back in my chair and muttered "thank you!" Whoever, or whatever, did this for me is forever in my debt. Call it "God" or a different name, it's up to you. This is what I mean by it being a wonderful gift. If it had not happened I would have been on a downer for weeks, maybe permanently. I might have been seduced into a misanthropic and social Darwinist frame of mine myself, and decided that if I couldn't beat them I might as well join them. I could have become a thief myself; after all, why not? What does it matter? It's my victims' fault, not mine. I have been saved from that. Not that I feel total joy and delight about what was done to me. I will not be embracing the man who stole from me or blowing him kisses in the checkout queue. I am still angry and, as I said, I have written to the Post Office to complain. Actually I don't think these gifts are intended to make us appease injustice or ignore malevolent actions. However, my gift has made my torment much easier to live with. I am now £20 poorer, but I'd gladly have paid far more than £20 for this experience! This is the first time I have told anybody about what happened. I'm quite surprised at myself. Why have I not been yelling it out? I think the answer is that for me this experience is very precious and sacred, almost an intimacy between me and the universe. I felt I had to wait for the right time. It felt like the wrong time before now. I don't think I will ever forget last Monday. Its message will always be an influence on my life.
See here for more information: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2026/01/twopence-bag.html.
And: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2022/02/lets-just-help-each-other-out.html.