Lidl Butlerian Jihad

 

I don't normally shop at Lidl. I go to Tesco because it just happens to be on my usual route. The no-frills German supermarket chain usually escapes my attention, but yesterday I was doing an extra job in an area I don't often visit and needed some groceries. If you've never shopped at Lidl then it's an interesting experience. On the plus side, most items are a bit cheaper than Tesco's. It also sells clothes, hardware and children's toys. However, when I went into the store I had to pass through a turnstile that only opened one way, meaning I couldn't go back. I was like a particle trapped inside the event horizon of a black hole. The only way was forward. This could have been a problem if I'd decided not to buy anything. Can I get out if so? I only needed one item which I selected and then went to the checkout. As I explain in the background articles below, I always refuse to pay via the auto-checkout; if necessary I will ask the staff to open a regular one for me. In this situation I decided to break that rule because I was in a rush to catch a bus, one that only goes once an hour to my destination outside Oxford. There was only one manned till open and it had a long queue. I'm not proud of myself, but the circumstances were exceptional. Because I'm not used to using those machines I made lots of mistakes and needed help from a member of staff. Its artificial voice told me to put my item in the bagging area; I did so and it responded by telling me to do so again. A gaslighting computer! Eventually I was allowed to pay, not with cash of course, and took my item towards the exit. As I approached the door I saw another turnstile. I assumed this would simply open and let me out, now that I had done my duty and bought something; but the thing wouldn't open. I was confused and then saw a sign that told me to scan my receipt. I panicked; did I still have it!? Thankfully yes I did; I had showed it into my back pocket where I always put my rubbish between litter bins. Good job I hadn't just left it behind; I don't normally take shopping receipts for something as minor as groceries. There was a barcode on it that I had to scan before the turnstile finally slid back and I was a free man. Despite the attraction of its low prices I don't think I'll go back there again unless I have to. The process of shopping in Lidl is rather like sheep dipping. The customers are corralled in via a one way passage and then not allowed out except via a second controlled gate. What would have happened if I'd not bought anything? "Could somebody let me out please?"... "No! You have to stay now!" As I walked sombrely towards the bus stop I recalled Heathcote Williams' poem Advertisement, see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YB8PXY6m1w. The poem was published in 1978 and this recitation is from 1980. I wonder what the author would think about the supermarkets of the 21st century. I went back to my usual Tesco shop today and described my Lidl experience to a member of staff, asking whether Tesco had any plans to introduce this system. "Not as far as I know." she replied. We'll see. If they do, the Butlerian Jihad will have to escalate.
See here for background: https://hpanwo-voice.blogspot.com/2025/07/tesco-butlerian-jihad-4-always-ask.html.
And: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2025/08/a-machine-shouldnt-speak-for-men.html.