Thursday, 28 August 2014

An Offer from Channel 4... Again!


I've had another offer from a mainstream television producer to appear in an upcoming programme. This is the latest in a series of such offers; see the background links at the bottom for more details. Obviously the word hasn't got round yet that this nut is not for cracking. 
Maverick TV (http://www.mavericktv.co.uk/) sent me an email:

Dear Ben

I hope you are well and don’t mind me contacting you, I found your Youtube channel and thought I would get in touch to see if you can assist me. We are working on an exciting new TV series for Channel 4 about weight loss and we are particularly interested in hearing from those that are extremely opinionated and have strong views on current affairs in the UK. Our series aims to improve fitness and encourage healthy eating. We are looking for determined, competitive individuals who consider themselves overweight and are strong minded when it comes to battling the bulge.

The series will explore motivational theories behind successful weight loss and we’re expecting lots of success stories during our filming. The show will be presented by Dr Christian Jessen (Embarrassing Bodies) and will provide a great insight into the world of weight loss. Please let me know if you have any questions at all - I’m happy to chat about the show further.

We are asking people who are interested in finding out more to e-mail apply@mavericktv.co.uk with a bit of information about themselves and a photo.

Thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail.

Regards

(name)

Here is my reply:

Dear Maverick TV.

Thank you for getting in contact and asking me to assist in your TV show. I’d be happy to participate in this upcoming production under certain conditions:

1. Would it possible for me to examine Maverick TV’s proposal documents to the commissioning editor of Channel 4?

2. Could you please tell me the title of the proposed programme, or if one hasn’t been decided upon, what working title are you using?

3. Please could you inform me why it is necessary to cast individuals who are “extremely opinionated and have strong views on current affairs in the UK”? What is the connection between that and your aim to “improve fitness and encourage healthy eating”?

4. Would you be willing to enter into negotiations leading to me being given some editorial control over the programme?

These conditions are due to my misgivings over getting involved, because of what I consider to be the extremely poor quality of TV shows that have been aired on Channel 4, and indeed other stations on television, during the last few years. I should inform you right away that I do not consider myself overweight and have no intention of attempting to lose a single ounce. I am young and healthy. I am reasonably fit and I served as a hospital porter for many years in one of the country’s top primary care trust teaching hospitals. I can walk long distances and climb steep hills easily. I consider myself very masculine and desirable. I’m not a fan of Embarrassing Bodies and hope sincerely that your current pre-production is not in any way similar to that programme. If it were I would decline your offer without hesitation.

Thank you for your time.

Ben Emlyn-Jones

And here is the exclusive: a reply from a TV company!:

Dear Ben,

Thank you very much for your e-mail. I would be more than happy to answer all questions for you. Please see my answers below, in red.

I look forward to hearing from you.

(name)

1. Would it possible for me to examine Maverick TV’s proposal documents to the commissioning editor of Channel 4?

Unfortunately none of our contributors will get a chance to view any proposal documents; however they will be given as much information about the show as we possibly can.

2. Could you please tell me the title of the proposed programme, or if one hasn’t been decided upon, what working title are you using?

The title of the show is Fatonomics.

3. Please could inform me why it is necessary to cast individuals who are “extremely opinionated and have strong views on current affairs in the UK”? What is the connection between that and your aim to “improve fitness and encourage healthy eating”?

The idea of the show is based on a motivational theory behind successful weight loss. This involves a competition between two people with opposing views on certain subjects in order to give them an additional motivation to win.

4. Would you be willing to enter into negotiations leading to me being given some editorial control over the programme?

Unfortunately this wouldn’t be an option.

I am astounded that they even wrote back to me; this is the first time ever I've heard of anybody who responds the way I did receiving any further correspondence. Even though this particular programme is not about the paranormal/conspiracy/UFO subjects it still looks like it's going to be a pile of conformist morale-destroying, psychological and cultural-manipulating crap. If I'm wrong I'll apologize, but I doubt I will be. Maverick TV decided to contact me because they think I'm bound to feel insecure and inferior about my corpulent physique, although they're extraordinarily careful to avoid stating it directly. They presume that I must be desperate to change it so I can become one more gym-clone; you know, the kind of guy we're all under legal obligation to want to be. I wouldn't actually feel any more insulted if they'd just been blunter and said: "Ben, we're looking for fat bastards like you..."  Obviously Fatonomics will be going ahead without my contribution.

6 comments:

Steve said...

Well done Ben

Andrew Johnson said...

Very good exposure/analysis etc Ben. Good on you!

Ben Emlyn-Jones said...

Cheers, Andrew and Steve. I'll be keen to give the programme a "review" when it hits the air ;-)

Jason English said...

Omg...the reply is comic genius...good for you mate for sticking to your guns......fatanomics indeed.....who are they kidding

Ben Emlyn-Jones said...

Thanks, Jason. It's good to see how many can see through their shit

Xylomet said...

simply brilliant. that's why they HAD to respond