I had a bit of a disagreeable experience at work today. I
was walking a dog, one who belongs to a man who is very old and disabled. This
dog likes to walk a particular route and a part of it is along a cul-de-sac. We
walk up it and then back down it, which is of course all you can do in a
cul-de-sac. We have done this numerous times over the past couple of years. Today
a white van pulled over beside us, the driver stuck his head out and he said:
"Oi, stop letting your dog piss in my garden!" I said: "I never
have." He said: "Yes you have! You let your dog piss on my hedge! You
do it every day!" Dogs have a habit of stopping every so often to deposit
a few drops of urine at various locations, usually on a spot above the ground.
This is to leave a scent trail. It's an instinct left over from
pre-domestication. The patches of urine function as a pathway through woods or
fields where there are no landmarks. It can also come from a desire to mark a
location as their territory. When walking dogs I am always very careful not to
let them urine mark in anybody's property. I again denied that I had done it
this time. The man pointed to a hedge which was badly overgrown. It jutted out a
good ten inches to a foot from the wall at the front of his home. I replied:
"That's not your garden, it's a public highway." He answered in a
raised voice: "It's my fuckin' hedge, you fuckin' idiot!" I shouted:
"Don't swear at me! And it's not your property beyond your wall; it's a public
highway!" He drove off, screeching his tyres. The "white van man"
is a bit of a cliche. It means an independent skilled tradesman like a builder,
electrician or plumber, usually self-employed, who has a tendency to be arrogant
and a road hog. They drive in unmarked medium-sized windowless white vans. I
think he hurled abuse at me because he knew I had just proven him wrong; which
is what most people do in that situation. I think he simply objected to me
walking the dog up and down his road, which is a cul-de-sac and so is normally
only used for access. However there is no law preventing anybody walking up and
down a cul-de-sac if they choose, so long as they do not stray onto any of the
private gardens. That man regards the road as the residents' private property
even though it isn't, just because it's a cul-de-sac. If the government passed
a law restricting a citizen's freedom on the public highways, he would probably
support it. This is the most common method for introducing state
authoritarianism; present it to the people in wrapping paper that appeals to
their petty irrational whims.
On the whole, today has been a major New World Order day.
After work I went grocery shopping at a local supermarket. This supermarket has
the usual auto-tills, which are all card only; when the old ones used to have
slots for putting in cash. There are some human tills next to them, two card only
and two cash or card; but none of them were manned. I put my shopping on one of
them and waited; nothing happened. I then went over to one of the staff, a tall
African youth, and told him: "Could somebody come and serve me at this
till please? I need to pay with cash." He looked at me nonplussed, as if
he didn't understand me; and then he turned away and began talking to his colleague
in their own vernacular. I shrugged and returned to where I'd left my shopping,
but after one more minute of being ignored I said: "To hell with
this!" and walked out of the store, leaving my basket of shopping where
I'd left it. I've also noticed that margarine now has the words "plant based" on all the packets. Why? Isn't that obvious? Everybody knows marge is made from plants. Welcome to the proposed future, right in the heart of the fifteen
minute paradise of Oxford! You vil drive
ze white van und pay with ze card und you vil be happy.
3 comments:
I recommend that you have a listen to 'White Van Man' by The Bonzo Dog Band, if you still have the mp3 I sent you.
Thanks, Snarnok. I'll play it on the show. Send it over.
Post a Comment