Tuesday, 13 January 2026

Lidl Butlerian Jihad

 
I don't normally shop at Lidl. I go to Tesco because it just happens to be on my usual route. The no-frills German supermarket chain usually escapes my attention, but yesterday I was doing an extra job in an area I don't often visit and needed some groceries. If you've never shopped at Lidl then it's an interesting experience. On the plus side, most items are a bit cheaper than Tesco's. It also sells clothes, hardware and children's toys. However, when I went into the store I had to pass through a turnstile that only opened one way, meaning I couldn't go back. I was like a particle trapped inside the event horizon of a black hole. The only way was forward. This could have been a problem if I'd decided not to buy anything. Can I get out if so? I only needed one item which I selected and then went to the checkout. As I explain in the background articles below, I always refuse to pay via the auto-checkout; if necessary I will ask the staff to open a regular one for me. In this situation I decided to break that rule because I was in a rush to catch a bus, one that only goes once an hour to my destination outside Oxford. There was only one manned till open and it had a long queue. I'm not proud of myself, but the circumstances were exceptional. Because I'm not used to using those machines I made lots of mistakes and needed help from a member of staff. Its artificial voice told me to put my item in the bagging area; I did so and it responded by telling me to do so again. A gaslighting computer! Eventually I was allowed to pay, not with cash of course, and took my item towards the exit. As I approached the door I saw another turnstile. I assumed this would simply open and let me out, now that I had done my duty and bought something; but the thing wouldn't open. I was confused and then saw a sign that told me to scan my receipt. I panicked; did I still have it!? Thankfully yes I did; I had showed it into my back pocket where I always put my rubbish between litter bins. Good job I hadn't just left it behind; I don't normally take shopping receipts for something as minor as groceries. There was a barcode on it that I had to scan before the turnstile finally slid back and I was a free man. Despite the attraction of its low prices I don't think I'll go back there again unless I have to. The process of shopping in Lidl is rather like sheep dipping. The customers are corralled in via a one way passage and then not allowed out except via a second controlled gate. What would have happened if I'd not bought anything? "Could somebody let me out please?"... "No! You have to stay now!" As I walked sombrely towards the bus stop I recalled Heathcote Williams' poem Advertisement, see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YB8PXY6m1w. The poem was published in 1978 and this recitation is from 1980. I wonder what the author would think about the supermarkets of the 21st century. I went back to my usual Tesco shop today and described my Lidl experience to a member of staff, asking whether Tesco had any plans to introduce this system. "Not as far as I know." she replied. We'll see. If they do, the Butlerian Jihad will have to escalate.
See here for background: https://hpanwo-voice.blogspot.com/2025/07/tesco-butlerian-jihad-4-always-ask.html.
And: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2025/08/a-machine-shouldnt-speak-for-men.html.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interesting. Some local Tesco's in my neck of the woods have had entry turnstiles for many years. I think it all depends on the size of the store. The smaller express ones don't. As for the Lidl exit turnstiles this confused me too first time it appeared (to combat shoplifting apparently). The system doesn't work well, most folks tailgate other shoppers as it stays open for a long time or forget their receipt. There is an aisle to conveniently leave the store quickly in both Tesco and Lidl should you go in and not want to buy anything situated next to the entrance in most stores, normally gated too. The thing you won't have noticed not using Lidl much is prior to the exit turnstiles the machines took cash and card. This is no longer the case. I did a quick straw poll on a works night out for Christmas drinks and of the 20 folks in our party only 2 carried any cash at all. It seems it's now an inconvenience and unnecessary thing for many.

Ben Emlyn-Jones said...

Hi Anon. I do remember a brief period when they had autotills with cash. It didn't last long. Only one Sainsburys I know still has them. Shoplifting is a massive problem, but the real issue with it is not so much detection as legal action. How often do the police arrest thieves these days? Are they ever prosecuted? These stores are writhing with CCTV. They know when somebody nicks something. If there were worse consequences for that crime the other measures wouldn't be needed.